COMPARISON

I decided to listen to Matt. 20. The girls were awake and I was reading online. All you have to do is click on the Listen at the top of each chapter. Isn't that cool?

It is an interesting story about the labourers who were hired first that get upset because the householder gives them a penny and the labourers he hired a penny as well. They don't feel that it is fair. They say, "Look at all that I have done and they have only worked a couple of hours." I know that He is relating to the first will be last and the last will be first with the Jews and the Gentiles. But I think there is more to the story. We don't need to worry about others. We are not their judge. The householder says, "Take that thine is, and go thy way." We only need to worry about what we do. I can see this in relationships. With husband and wife relationship, it's easy to compare who does the work. "I've changed 5 diapers today, cleaned the dishes, cleaned up after my daughter's accident, etc." That's not the way to go. It's important for each person to give 100% and not judge the percentage the other person gave. There is so much into judging others and so it's good that it is up to the Lord. These were good reminders for me not to compare myself to others in every relationship.

CHILDREN & FRIENDS

I have been reading a night, which has not been the ideal. This week I really want to read in the morning even if it means having the kids go back to their rooms and read as soon as they wake up.

I was thinking about children on my walk home today. I love teaching children. I love my calling a lot. I love seeing their sweet faces and their excitement. They want to please so much. Today's reading talks about humbling ourselves like little children to enter into the kingdom of God.

Here are some traits I think we should acquire that little children have:
quick to forgive
excitement for life
energy!!!
wanting to make other's happy
innocence

This week-end at the temple I had some thoughts about the important of friends. Also E's lesson this Sunday was about friendship. Are friends really that important? Why does the Lord place so much importance on friends? Here's an interesting verse: Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. I think unity is an important principle Heavenly Father and Christ want us to learn. They are the ultimate examples of this. They never compare and say, well I know better than Him or worry about giving the other more praise than is needed. They are united. The spirit can be so strong when we are unified. I also think that we receive a lot of support from each other. Though we are imperfect, we can help each other with our strengths and lift up each others' weaknesses.

The story of the fellowservant who was forgiven his debt and then turned around and threw someone in jail for not paying his debt is interesting. I don't remember hearing the end of this story. I saw a seminary video of the first part of the story. It seems crazy that a man who was forgiven such a big debt would not easily remember that and forgive another man. But I think we do this often and we don't realize it. I have great examples of forgiving with my children.

OF LITTLE FAITH

It seems like time after time in Matthew, the people or the disciples doubt that things may happen. Then Jesus comes and heals them. They do have faith and have increased their faith. Jesus asks Simon Peter who he think He is. Peter knows He is the son of God.

One verse, "How long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?" at first it sounds like Christ is frustrated, but I think He is just sad. He wants them to develop faith in Him. It seems like they have not developed the faith they need. When the disciples ask why they could not heal, He answers, "Because of your unbelief; for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place, and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Wow! That seems incredible. If we just have faith as a grain of mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for us. He is not asking for huge faith, just small, simple faith. This helps me.

I have faith in the atonement of Christ. I believe that He can forgive us and really take away our sins if we truly repent. I know because I had faith, and it happened. I know that He knows us and wants to help us. If we feel overwhelmed and are trying our very best, He will help us succeed.

WHERE IS THEIR HEART?

Well, I have been reading conference talks at night. Everyone was visiting and so it was very difficult to find time in the morning. Maybe someday, I can get that down better even when people are visiting.

I re-read chapter 14 and really enjoyed reading yet again how Jesus knows we can't do it all. I love reading that there was not enough food for everyone and Jesus made up the difference. Right now I am feeling a little overwhelmed with all that I want to do. I feel like all I need to do is do my best. Through the atonement I can do these things well. Of course, I can't do everything and anything, but if I try my hardest to get done what I think is most important, Heavenly Father will help me accomplish that.

I love these chapters! I feel like they are so full of questions I can ask my self for self-evaluation. Christ really wanted us to think about who we are and how we are living our lives. He quotes Isiah saying "This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me."

This made me reflect on what I say I believe and what I actually do and feel. I don't want to put on a show of someone who I am not. It was always funny when someone calls during a stressful moment. There can be crying, screaming, yelling going on, but if a friend calls, suddenly the tone of voice changes to a sweet, calm voice. I guess we do have the self control to change how we are acting, but we choose not to. Things to work on....

WHATEVER YOU HAVE IS ENOUGH

I really enjoyed today's reading. It has been difficult lately. The kids have been waking up really early. Usually Lizzie wakes everyone up. I have only been able to read at night. It seems if they are awake before me, then things just get busy and crazy and I can't sit down for a second. Right now they are watching a movie (I don't like them watching very much so this will not become the routine!) But I did get a chance to read a little, but not write down my thoughts.

Sometimes as I read, I feel like there are so many things to work on. Today as I read, I felt almost comforted with feeling a little overwhelmed. I have a lot of things I am trying to do. I also like to do things very well and not just do them. Today Christ has compassion on the people and when all the people follow Him, he performs the miracle of the five loaves and two fishes. Probably many people have thought of the lesson Jesus is trying to teach here when He performs this miracle. Scripture Scouts has a fun song and I really think it teaches some thing well. Whatever we have is enough for the Lord. We give Him our will and trust in Him and He will help us do the things He has asked us to do. After He performs that miracle, we read the story about Jesus walking on the water and Peter walking as well. Another story to help us trust completely on the Lord. It is also reassuring to see even Peter, an incredible prophet, doubted and didn't trust the Lord completely. We don't have to be perfect, but we should trust in the Lord completely.

Chapter 14 of Matthew I feel really taught me a lot about the atonement. With the Lord, we can do things that seem impossible. The key words there are with the Lord. We cannot try to do everything by ourselves. Others will think what we are trying to do is impossible, but we can if we keep our eye on the Lord and have faith.

PRIDE FROM PHARISEES

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment so I missed reading in the morning. I was able to read them inside the temple which was very nice. I enjoyed reading the creation in the Pearl of Great Price. I do have to say yesterday my schedule was thrown off and I didn't feel as effective.

Today I thought about the Pharisees and the Saducees. What is their problem? They had been looking for the Savior, but now that He is in front of them, they can't accept it. It comes down to pride and jealousy (pretty much the same thing). They are always trying to prove Christ wrong. We always think they are awful, but I started thinking about how I might act like them in my mind or even my conversation. When people succeed and do wonderful things, I might try to downplay them. I try to find their faults. I don't really want them to succeed because somehow that makes me not succeed? Why? Just because they do something well does not make me do something worse. It comes down to comparing and I try not do to this, but it happens. Is she more talented than me? Is she nicer than me? Is she more fun than me? It is hard because others compare even if we don't. I need to remember to build up others when they are successful or when they are not. Then be confident in who I am and what I can do. We would never want to be like the Pharisees or the saducees, but I think we are being similar if we compare and try to make ourselves seem better than others.

CHRIST'S TEACHING METHODS

On the week-ends I have been reading conference talks, but not the New Testament. I have also been reading at night. I want to still read my scriptures in the morning even on the week-end. I know my husband will help me if I let him know this goal. Sleeping in is so nice, even if it means sleeping until 7:30 or 8, so maybe I could read my scriptures then. After I could let my husband sleep a little longer. I'll talk with him.

I read such an exciting part of Matt 12 and found that there is a whole section in the Topical Guide on The Teaching modes of Christ! Isn't that great!

Here is a list of the different ways I could see that Christ teaches:
-Taught with authority
-Had them read and recall what they had read
-Spoke with parables and stories
-Taught and preached
-Had the Spirit with Him
-Perceived their thoughts, adapted His teaching to them, didn't just teach an already made lesson plan
-Had them tell Him, explain to him their thoughts
-Talked with them
-wrote on the ground to get their attention
-Spoke what the Father wanted Him to say
-Washed their feet, served them
-Showed them how to wash feet so they would do it, taught by example
-Repeated the same message multiple times (repeated 3 times)
-Had them feel the prints in His hands, hands-on, let them touch
-Had them prepare on their own
-Had them write it down

Isn't this wonderful! I'm so excited to use this in so many ways. I hope to homeschool using these methods. I can also use them in my calling as primary chorister.

LEAST OF THESE & REST FOR OUR SOULS

In the scriptures, people and prophets have important missions. John the Baptist had been spoken about for a long time of what he would do. Is God trying to tell me that I have a special mission, too? An interesting scripture "notwithstanding he that is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he." It seems a little confusing. I am so thankful for cross references and that we have other scriptures that help us understand them. D&C 50:26 says "He that is ordained of God and sent forth, the same is appointed to be the greatest, notwithstanding he is the least and the servant of all." Each person is of the same infinite worth. It would seem that we would put John the Baptist and our current prophet above us, but these scriptures clarify that we are all servants of God, no matter who we are. As I serve other people, sometimes I like the acknowledgement they give me. I like being recognized for the good things I am doing. I don't want to be prideful. I hope to be more humble. Jesus also includes the calming words of "Come unto me, all ya that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." As I was feeling a little tired this morning, I thought rest sounded nice! But I noticed it is rest for our souls, not necessarily rest physically. Jesus is not telling us all of our labours and things that weigh us down will go away, but they will be easier for us to carry and our souls can be at peace. Reading the scriptures in the morning has been changing the way I act during the day. I feel like I am more patient. I feel like I can take on what seems impossible. I think I am understanding the scripture I just shared. I am so grateful Christ can help us as we live our everyday lives.

My Value and Putting God First

Matt. 10- What an interesting read! After Christ instructs his apostles with how to preach, He talks about the worth of souls. Matt 10:29 says "Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore ye are of more value than many sparrows." The world likes to give us a price, try to describe how important we are. How valuable are you in the business world? Although it is important to improve ourselves and be "valuable" I love how Christ shows how much He cares for us and our incredible worth. It is neat that He knows me and love me. Just as he know the very hairs on my head, He knows every little strength, every little weakness, my frustrations and joys. It is a hard thing to remember. What confidence it can give us if we let it!

The next part was interesting. I had to re-read and look at footnotes, but there wasn't much explanation. Christ says "I came not to send peace, but a sword." and to set a man at variance against his father, and family relationships against each other. What? It seems weird and confusing. I think the point like in the verses after consider the lilies of the field, almost is the same. We must put God first and trust in Him completely and not let anything get in the way. "He that loveth Father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" We have to put Christ first in our lives even above our spouse, mother or father. Who do I love more, my husband or Christ? That is a difficult question. Christ talks about losing our lives and then we will find it. He wants us to lose ourselves in serving other people and that way we will get closer to Him.

I hope to get to know Christ better by reading these Scriptures and that way put Him completely first in my life. I know that my family relationships will be strengthened when God is first in my life.

He wants us to try to get rid of selfishness, know our worth and put Him first.

FEELING ALONE & CONSIDER THE LILIES AGAIN

Well, yesterday I got a lot accomplished, but I feel like I didn't get the most important thing accomplished. Eric left really early, so I didn't wake up before the girls. By the time I was getting them breakfast, I decided I would read my scriptures at night. I did read a lot, but it is so much more effective to read in the morning.

Today as I read chapter 9, I was struck by how alone Jesus felt as he healed and forgave. No one understood him. There are many times when I feel like no one understands how I am feeling, how overwhelmed I feel. Christ is the perfect example of continuing even though everyone around Him does not understand Him. It was also neat to see how much he didn't care what others thought of him. But he did care about them. If he cared what they thought of him, he wouldn't hang out with the publicans and sinners. Do I wonder what others think of me? Does it really matter?

As I read today, I finished the post I started for last Friday because today's reading helped shed some more light on it. I started to understand the "Consider the Lilies of the Field." Watching video of the choir singing has such a calm peaceful feeling. I think that is what Heavenly Father wants us to do. He wants us to feel at peace knowing that He is in charge of all and He will take care of us. He wants our complete trust. When Christ speaks with the apostles before they go out preaching, he tells them to not take money, bag or extra clothes. That seems crazy! Today missionaries prepare very well before they go out. But I think he told him these things to make a point, almost to help us in this parable. He does want us to take care of ourselves, but our trust needs to be in Him. If we relly on ourselves then we may forget to put our trust in Him.

What do you think?

JUDGING AND BRINGING FORTH GOOD FRUIT

I never finished Friday's entry. It seems like week-ends get busier. Maybe I should plan on doing scripture study before I eat breakfast. That way I will do it :)

Today there are some great scriptures for self reflection. Not judging others. It makes complete sense that if I have something in my eye, I can't help someone get something out of their eye. But in my thoughts especially, I do see others' weaknesses and judge them. It is ok to see weaknesses and judge righteously and learn from them, but not make me better than them in my mind.

The scripture I thought was interesting also was every good tree bringeth forth good fruit. I have been thinking about parenting. So does this mean I will have good children? What if they turn out wrong? I don't think that is what He is meaning. I think in my parenting I need to do and say all good to my children. Then they will choose which way. Some of the most respected people I know have children that have chosen other ways. This is somewhere where I cannot judge and just believe that they have always given their children good fruit. I hope that I can always build my children up, never raise my voice and discipline them with gentleness. I have been trying lately to not get frustrated and also discipline them more matter-of-factly and individually. "T" shouldn't know what I say to "A" when I discipline her and vice versa.

CONSIDER THE LILIES

Today I was really trying to figure out Matt. 6:28 Consider the Lilies of the Field. I looked in the JST and it talks about seeking first the kingdom of God and not the things of the world. I think Heavenly Father wants us to trust in him. But does He want us to not think about anything worldly? In later verses it talks about taking no thought what to eat, drink or in clothing. That makes it difficult.

I also listened to the Mormon Tabernacle choir singing the song:



Lyrics:
Consider the lilies of the field--how they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds of the sky--how they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky and
He will feed those who trust Him and Guide them with His eye.

Consider the sheep of his fold--how they follow where he leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky and
He will feed those who trust Him and Guide them with His eye.

Consider the sweet tender children who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them he carried from the day of his birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the lambs of his fold and
He will heal those who trust Him and make their hearts as gold.
He clothes the lilies of the field. He feeds the lambs of his fold and
He will heal those who trust Him and make their hearts as gold.

QUESTION

Today I read about how Christ says to turn the other cheek, give someone that sued you more than they ask, not be offended, etc. Isn't it incredible? But last night with the girls' scripture study, we talked about when Christ threw the money makers out of the temple, His Father's house. So, where can we draw the line? When should we stand up for something important and when should we give in and not worry about what other people do against us. That is is hard thing for me. I find that most of the time I do just forget what other people do. The story about one of the general authorities who tells the nurse in the elevator, Please do not says my God's name in that way. Maybe it depends on the situation. What do you think

LIGHT OF THE WORLD

Christ started his preaching. I enjoyed really looking at the famous Light of the world scripture mastery. After studying, I realized that we are not the light, but we hold Jesus up to be the light and others see it. I also love the phrase that others "may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven" A cross reference says "Herein is my Father glorified, that y bear much fruit, so shall ye be my disciples." I hope that the fruit I bear and the things I do does glorify the Father. In the first scripture it seems like it means "they" will glorify your Father which is in heaven. Do others praise God and thank Him for the actions I do? Hopefully my children an also see the light of Christ through my actions.

There is also a recurring theme on the Sermon on the Mount. It is not to quarrel, even have bad thoughts toward others. I love the JST and am grateful that we have it. In the verse that says "That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of judgement. Don't you just love that phrase "without a cause" It sounds like one translator was having a hard time with this commandment and decided to insert that in to help him feel better :) The footnote says to omit those words. Also, later on instead of agreeing with our adversary, it says to quickly have kind thoughts for, or be well disposed toward. When someone is contentious, I like the thought that we should "quickly" have kind thoughts.

FASTING

Well, today I read about when Christ fasts for forty days. Fasting is a hard thing! I have only fasted 3-4 times since we have been married for the past 6 years because I have either been pregnant, nursing or sick! Since I weaned "L" I have fasted 2 times and it has been a struggle. I get feeling very weak and actually start shaking. Now I know just in a very small degree what a hard time Jesus would have had! But the crazy thing is after fasting, that is when he was tempted. So many times I am guilty of justifying being impatient or letting things slide because of the situation I am in. He could have easily said, I can turn this stone into bread and I am not really following Satan, I am just eating after my long fast. Satan didn't tell him to do anything particularly wrong at first. Is changing a stone into bread that bad? Except that you are following Satan. The other tempations were more blatant, but Christ may have just wanted to prove Satan wrong.

Some lessons learned-
-I can't make the excuse that I am tired or that I am hungry to make it okay to be impatient with the girls or to not do my duties. Yes, I am human and I have to take care of myself and it will help me to be patient, but if the situation is not ideal, I can't use it as an excuse. I still need to be patient
-I can't give in to the temptation to just prove someone else wrong, not even think about proving them wrong. This is prideful and I need to think of Christ and how he never proved anyone wrong even though for most of his life they were wrong.

Yesterday went very well. I felt like I was able to accomplish so much more because I started of with the right spirit in the morning and I spent less time on the computer. I was able to be patient and never raise my voice even while puting the girls in time-out. I'm really happy about it.

CHERISH THE MOMENT

I am excited about making a goal and accomplishing it! I read pres. Monson's talk of Treasure of Eternal Value. He talks about the importance of setting goals. Without them, there is no real success, he says. I will feel so confident if I make a goal and stick with it.

I am going to start waking up before the kids and reading 30 minutes in the morning. I'm excited about this time I will have to ponder and think on my own. I hope it will change the way I feel throughout the day and the way I treat the kids.

Something that struck me in Monson's talk as well is that I try not to delay or postpone anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute is special." There are many times throughout the day, especially minutes I am waiting for the kids to get out of the car, to get ready and other times that I don't think are special. I allow myself to get impatient and frustrated. I need to even take these moments and make sure that I don't them get wasted by my attitude.

I am also reading the new testament. Something that struck me in my reading of the first chapters in Matthew is how Joseph was an example of not worrying about others. I guess that maybe he did worry about what others thought when his "fiance" Mary became pregnant, it was the law and the way to kill her. He wanted to do that. But after the angel came and he woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him. Sometimes what is popular at the moment and what other people think you should do and maybe you even want to do it, we need to make sure that we can be as quick to obey. We should not be swayed by what others think, but follow Heavenly Father.

New Goals

Scriptures: 6:15 am for 30 minutes New Testament and Conference talk/B of M

Internet:
-Check e-mail quickly in the morning (max 10 minutes) or before the kids wake up
-No computer during morning. Write down things that I need to look up as I need to, only check necessary things like directions, hours, etc.
-After lunch, quiet time for the kids, 1 hour to get things done on computer.
-At night, after kids go to bed.

Working Out: at least 3 times a week cardio workout for at least 30 minutes